Am I gay? Or just confused. Please Help me!?

Lets see, Im 19 years old, Male. Pretty much been raised in a pretty good family. All through school ive only hung out with girls because I have never hung out with too many boys because I really didnt want to, I felt like i could be myself. I was a fat kid all through school ( still am too but im working on it) and was teased alot, So hanging out with girls they didn't care what I looked like they were fine for who i was. So anyways ive never had a girl friend either, ive had some crushes on my friends but I was stuck in the friend only category... Being a virgin was shitty through school, but anyways Ive never dated or had sex with a girl, I discovered porn and jacking off in middle school, At first it was just pictures, then it went sour, some how i ended up getting a what I call now a fetish for men being pregnant and men with pregnant looking beer bellies, I dont know how that even popped in my mind at 11. Then I discovered porn, I think i watched one straight porn video and got scared of the woman screaming so i found some gay porn where the guys moaning wasnt high pitched. the sound a guy moaning arouses me. I dont know why, never once in mylife when i was younger that i thought of a boy or had a crush on boys. lets see till this day, Ive been watching only Gay porn. I think my mind has been like effed up since i was a child, I know people say. No you were born gay accept it or There goes the brain wash excuse or hormone excuse again. The curiosity rose when I went to an all boys school for 9th and 10th grade. being around guys 24/7... It sucked ***! I was dying there, I was so glad to have come back to a coed school. When 11th grade hit, The gay porn hit my mind faster, When I was at school I would look at guys crotches thinking **** I wonder if hes big? like in porn. Like fantasizing about men when I didnt know why I did. I have no passion to date a guy. So when I graduated high school. I started to wonder, What it would be like to try this stuff what they are doing in porn. So i did, I met up with a guy on craigslist. And, I gave him a ********, I was so nervous... Then right after, I regret doing it to this day. It wasnt like in the porn movies. Then right after that, I wanted to try it again. I did. I regret doing that so too. Very. I went to get like std tests they all came back clean, because I realized what I was doing was putting myself in danger of catching a disease... So a few months go by. I stopped, Then I tried it again but chickened out and got control of my mind and actions. But then I went back to Gay porn and some how racked up a folder of like 100 pics of guys that were posted on craigslist ***** abs and all what I wanted to look like. then in feb of 2010, I was bored and lonely, So I decided to give craigslist another chance, I met up with a guy who basically spilled his whole life story to me while i was scared an lied the whole thing. That was the first and last time I tried Anal sex. tried topping but i wasn't good, So the guy said "Let me **** you now" Of course there was a condom involved for both of us. (He had a porn star sized penis) So i did just to see what it was like. It hurt like a *****! I felt so disgusted after. I was shaking from anxiety! Then like a month I was freaking out that I had HIV, I some how generated Hypochondria and OCD. I got a test for everything, but It was all negative. But then Some how here we go again. A friends nephew who was gay, introduced me to grindr... god =(. So then I meet up with another guy who backed out and just jacked me off. Then I met up with one more guy and blew him off 2 times in one day... So... Yeah then Like its been almost a year since then and I decided What the **** does a ******** feel like, because of the porn, And when I watch the gay porn, (Im realizing now that Ive been watching it. For all these years Its been set in my mind as just porn.. ugh..) So a couple of weeks ago from today I did let a guy blow me I liked it but I didnt like it from a guy... It felt wrong. Okay when i still think of some of the times, I get an erection really fast. Just like when watching porn, I get an erection fast from gay porn from big cocks and abs The things I want on me not on someone else, even when im typing in the url to the site My dick goes hard... but my mind is telling me its normal but my heart is telling me its wrong. I wanna have sex with women, I wanna date a woman, I wanna be able to hold her. when shes scared or cuddle with her at the movies I wanna have children and grow old with a woman... I know everyone says. You can still do all of that with men.. But in my heart its wrong It doesnt set right. And I know for a fact because all my major crushes have been on girls, Ive had a man crush here and there but its probably because of the porn... But anyways, Someone help me, Im driving myself insane now, its like my mind is finally catching up to me and realizing and regretting everything My entire lif